Sunday, March 25, 2012

Parenting 101

A couple years ago my sister gave me these magnets as part of my Christmas present.  They are instructions on what to do, and not do, with a baby.  They are pretty darn funny.  They came up in conversation last night with friends and I pulled them out of a (very messy) drawer and we all had a good laugh passing them around the room.  It made me want to share them with you.  I'm not sure why I just told you that the drawer was very messy, other than the fact that it is really really messy, and I have a little guilt about not cleaning it out.  Maybe I will get to that this week.  Maybe.   

If you already have a baby, there are some very helpful tips for you.  If you don't have a baby yet, keep this email around for when you do, just so you don't forget anything.  And even if you aren't the baby type - I guarantee you will still get a laugh.  (I don't know how I would actually guarantee this - it's not like I can give you money back or anything since the blog is free...I guess I am just that SURE that you will think they are as funny as I do!)

So it is a-OK to lift your baby up above your head (just watch out for the baby puke in your open mouth situation), but not OK to rocket launch your newborn into the air like some sort of projectile.

I once saw a dad, in the Target portrait studio, pick up his child's dropped bottle off of the filthy floor, lick it to "clean' it, and then take a swig (I am assuming to remove any germs that were inside.)  He apparently had not seen this before.

I'm not sure what is wrong with this one, unless maybe the coffee wasn't decaf?...  Because of course you would never give caffeine to a newborn, everyone knows that.  (Disclaimer - I would NEVER give hot liquids of any kind to a baby or small child. Maybe she should try iced coffee?  Decaf of course.)

Random stranger as a babysitter- never a good idea.

This one is funny and kinda horrifying at the same time.  I would suggest just letting the baby run/crawl naked around the house until they air dry.

Now, having two kids myself and knowing the kind of desperate diapers situations you can find yourself in, I find it hard to judge on this one.  If you really had NO other wipes left, a skirt might be your only option.  I am pretty sure you have to be a parent to understand how rubbing feces on your clothing could ever even be considered an option.

I wish I could tell you where to find these handy little magnets, but with them being a gift, I have no idea myself.  I hope you got a laugh out of them!

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