Sunday, April 14, 2013

Soccer Saturdays

Ahh soccer... Here we are again.  Let's start off with a little back story.  I played soccer.  My husband played soccer. Long ago it was decided that when our kids were old enough, they would play soccer too. It was just assumed. Who doesn't love soccer? Answer - our first child. He let's just say, hates soccer. We tried indoor soccer at a sports center - fail.  We tried indoor soccer at the YMCA - it went a little bit better.  We tried outdoor soccer at the YMCA - we stopped going mid season.  And because we are glutton for punishment and can't learn a lesson we tried town soccer - EPIC FAIL.  So you get it, soccer was out for us.  I will happily report that our child loved basketball and is pretty excited about starting T-ball in a couple weeks, so there is still some hope for sports there.  Now, along comes child number 2, and she is a little soccer star.  Not to brag (okay yes, I am bragging) but she is a natural!  At two and half years old she can dribble the ball and has a pretty good kick too. Not to mention how adorable she looks in the soccer team shirt with matching hair bow and pony tail.  It's all about accessorizing folks.  So to the point of this blog- because I have a two week old baby (#3) at home and there is no more time for lengthy blogs...
Yesterday I went with my hubby and the whole fam to watch #2 play soccer.  She is in a class with about 75 other children ranging from ages 1 1/2 to 3 years old.  It was a bit of a shit show really. It started off really organized and soccer related and by the end the kids were "jumping like a chicken" over a rope ladder and climbing through tubes - not sure what soccer skills they were working on, but needless to say I am moving her up to the next age group for next week's class, one where they actually play soccer (or attempt to) for the majority of the class. She is a soccer super start after all- remember the bragging earlier... : )  So anyway, rambling again, the parents of these little soccer monsters this week cracked me up!  I stood there mentally making fun of them and dividing them up into 5 groups that were particularly interesting to me. After all I had all that free time while my kid was lost inside a tube... So here goes!
1.  The Tanners - No, I am not talking about the Woburn sports team or someone making leather.  This couple was seriously orange.  They were also both only around 5 ft tall and looked rather like oompa loompas - "oompa oompa oompady doo, our kid plays soccer, how about you..."
2. Professional Photographer Mom - Ok people, let's get something straight here, just because you have $600+ to buy a Nikon does not a photographer make you.  I am not trying to deny you the right to take a few pictures of little Johnny in his soccer shirt - I already told you how darn cute they are!  But crouching down on the ground for 90% of the class while your butt is hanging out of your yoga pants so you can snap endless photos of Johnny standing there holding a soccer ball (He isn't sure what else to do since you are too busy "capturing the memories" to help him out) is just kind of obnoxious.
3. David Beckham wannabe Dad -  The class is for the kids, not for you to be taking shots on the kiddie goal trying to relive some lost dream of becoming a soccer player in your own youth.  I see you dribbling the ball around acting all bad-ass when you think no one is looking, but enough now, go get your kid out of the tube he is stuck in - this isn't about you...
4. The "my two year old is beating me up, are there any openings on Maury this week?" Mom -
Now, don't get me wrong, I have dealt with many a tantrum in my day.  Like I said, I have three kids myself so this isn't my first rodeo folks, but hell would freeze over before I stood on a soccer field letting my two year old child beat the crap out of me.  This woman was getting head butt, punched in the face/chest, and basically whooped up on by a 3 foot tall, 30 pound little monster.  For pete's sake, go drag that little kid off the field and go the heck home for the day, clearly soccer is the least of your problems!
5. The baby wearers - I have nothing against baby wearing, these moms were just a little to "mommy-ish' for me to want to associate with. Sounds awful I know... But they were both discussing the baby wraps, names, birth weights, blah blah blah, and looking around for other moms of newborns to suck into the conversation.  Is it wrong that I pushed the car seat containing my newest little bundle to the side because I didn't want to get roped into the diaper conversation myself? After all I needed to make sure my kid came out the end of the damn tube she was stuck in! : )


-- Well it only took a year, but I am back!