Friday, December 6, 2013

Elf on the Flippin' Shelf

Seasons Greetings Readers!
This is Dodo the elf writing to you from the home of my bitches, I mean host family!  Apparently those middle of the night wake ups, filled with panic that she forgot to move me to a new location, have rendered the real writer of this blog too tired to, well, write.  Funny how a couple mornings of waking up at 6am and sprinting around the house in stealth mode to make sure that I am in some new silly location take a lot out of a person.  Fortunately for her, the man in the house seems to be better about carrying on my Christmas spirit so as not to traumatize the children by letting them find out that this is all just a scam to keep them from acting like little shits during the holiday season. And isn't that what Christmas is all about?  Haha, my author laughs about this whole thing each year as she is on her way to the bank to cash checks.  The stuff these poor parents have to go through is hysterical. I recently heard the woman in this house telling someone that if her elf was touched by a child then they need to get sprinkled with sugar and put in the freezer. Imagine the mess that would make? It was funny at first, the oldest boy in this house was actually afraid to go in the same room as me.  Of course this only applied when I was in the room with the coats and backpacks, and not when I was perched next to the TV. Funny how that worked.  The middle one asked her mom why I haven't been caught eating snacks, like that time last year when I got those delicious raisins and a juice box.  Her mom said that I must not be hungry, but I know that she is just lazier this year.  I've heard her mumble something about setting the bar too high last year.  I personally enjoyed the night I got to hang glide over the kitchen table, but oh well... So anyhoo, back to sitting on top of the kitchen curtain for me
(Really lady? This is the best you could come up with?) watching the kids fight, the dog steal their food right off the table, and is that the Mom opening a bottle of wine?  Again?
Merry Christmas!

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